Passion

Last week Jaige and I watched the movie Black Hawk Down. It had a lot of impact on both of us for different reasons. Jaige was part of a special unit in the US Navy. For him, the movie woke up emotions of reality and passion for his country. Me on the other hand.... well, in 1992-3 I know my thoughts didn't go very far outside my personal bubble. What could be more important than getting my hair done and where I was going to dinner that night? Shame, disappointment and embarrassment fills me to the base of my throat. Am I alone? Did you know that this awful man, Aidid, was starving "his" people in Somalia? So, the story goes on and the First Battle of Mogadishu happens. Lots of stress and nail biting action. We finish the movie which ultimately leads to conversation then research. From the left to the right (political) and by the time we finished for the night I was completely confused. Mostly, I didn't know who and how much to believe.
Now Darfur. Do you understand what is going on? With a little research it doesn't take long to figure out that there are many dimensions to the conflict. The scarcity of reliable information on Darfur is also an additional difficulty. Why was Matt Damon taking a baseball bat to a doll house to protest the five year conflict, showing how thousands of children's lives have been shattered? Passion. I commend people who take a stand knowing they are just one more person trying to make a difference. It doesn't have to be Darfur. It could be something in your community....what do you stand for? If you had time what would you like to give your time to?

Ambiance

Soft music fills the bar. Candles dancing beneath the well dressed, champagne drinking, self proclaimed important people. Sensual gestures being passed down granite. The pop of another cork. The lights are low and the voices loud everyone vying for attention. Name brands are dropped by the social elite and their diamonds sparkle so pretty. Someone spent their entire check on a dress just to get some attention. Within everyones incognito from reality, here to escape another day at the office or home. There I was. The lights started to get brighter and my thoughts drifted. The noise was deafening and the talk was cheap. Where was this heading? I was caught somewhere in between them and me. Last call. Lights were turned up and it was time to stake your claim, call a cab and make the night last with your new best friend. The spot light got hot and I wanted to go home but I couldn't find my keys. I didn't know how to escape the heat. I knew that I was walking into the circle of fire.
A sudden turn in the right direction and the past lights were fading. I was going home to stay.
I'll be the first to admit that I love champagne, a soft candle lit room, sounds of a piano while I sit and eat. I desire to feel pretty and put on fancy things and laugh and share with friends. But, I will never need another last call. The social discomfort of putting on a facade has seen it's day. When the path leads us to the masquerade ball or a shiny hot spot I won't have purchased something beyond my means nor will I have to search for the spot light so I'm seen. Sincerity will sit with me. It is a funny thing to deny the light for that is the direction home. As long as you find peace where you are at and the person within, that's all that was meant to be.
These words come from a borrowed mobile home that I like to call the "mobe". My life is humble but rich. While I know the comfy house, that I'll someday call my home waits for me in the hills, for now I wait. I will do what I can to make what I have gold. My fancy apartment in the city sits empty holding my life's possessions while all I really need is here. Somewhere in the foot hills of the Rockies I am sitting in my candle lit "mobe", sipping soup from a can and eating my fancy grilled cheese. Now, I think I'll go pour some bubbly.

Our Song

I was drooling in the ice cream section of the grocery store and I found myself tapping along to Muzak. Softly, I began humming the tune. Without a thought the words slipped between my lips. Thinking nothing of it, probably because I was now eying the donuts. The chocolate donuts with nuts delicately sprinkled on top started screaming my name the minute I walked through the door. I resist the urge and leave, o.k. I bought one. Sigh. Hours later while washing the dishes there it was again. This time his faced appeared. It was actually funny because I was just starting to question how I knew every word, every crescendo even the closing guitar solo that leaves you wanting more. It was my Jr. year in high school. I was in love (right), he was in lust, the story ended shortly after it started. But it hurt, the high school hurt. The everyone knows he dumped me hurt. Going to school everyday was self inflicting torture. Driving the pain deeper,to deafening heights I played "our" song over and over, shortening the world's supply of Kleenex and steering my parents to insanity. I have no idea how they did kept their sanity through four kids.
We all have an "our" song. A certain life altering ballad that defines a place or time in our lives. Maybe the song swirls forgotten memories of your first date and the way you felt walking on clouds, twirling into your room and laying on your bed with stars dancing to your tune. There is also the swipe with the back of your hand to the forehead followed by that thank you God feeling.
I challenge you tonight to find that song. Play it for someone special and take one minute to remind each other how it all began. This could be that one thing that is missing.
On a funny note... I couldn't share the words or song that I heard, it might have lead you to fall on your knees in laughter or pity. Yup, out of all the romantic ballads written mine was sung by K.I.S.S. Nothing spells romance like K.I.S.S.!

SPT= Self Portrait Tuesday

Amuse-Bouche...created Self Portrait Tuesday and I am taking part in it. You can too!
It's raining on the base of the mountain but snowing on top. SPT #1.

Verbal Toot....excuse me

When was the last time you were asked a question and half way through you find yourself not only answering it wrong, you have also managed to say something more ridiculous than intended. I have seen this many times and I actually feel bad but this is to make you feel better about your last verbal toot.

I have an empty space where my hugs go. I left my heart in Montana, my stuff in Quebec City and my body is here in Idaho. I took for granted the need for human touch, outside of the two best arms that I wrap myself in each night. Joe Jackson, does that name ringing a bell? Me neither. How about "Is she really going out with him"... now we are getting somewhere. Thanks to Taco Bell commercial in the 2008 we all know "One more time". He also wrote a song, The Human Touch.

The Human Touch by Joe Jackson

Some say the world is spinning faster
Some say it isn't fast enough
Some people say they've got the answer
and some are scared to say they can't keep up

I read the paper but it still isn't clear
The bombs are falling but I'm still here
I know all the figures and I know all the facts
But all I can do is keep trying . . . .
To look for the Human Touch

Life is hard when you've got nothing
Life can be hard when you've got too much
Sometimes I wonder what's the difference
It's only better with someone to touch

I got the telephone stuck to my ear
I keep yelling but you don't hear
In all the universe I'm just a speck of dust
But all I can do is keep trying . . . .
To give you the Human Touch

You know we're nothing in the scheme of things
Just microchips in big machines
And the world is spinning round and round
but I know that we can slow it down
And I know that I can make you see
I'm on the side of you and me

and all I want to do
listen to me . . .
Is give you . . . give you

Give you the Human Touch

I had no idea the impact of a hug, a hand on the shoulder or gentle touch of comfort. I do know now that with each gesture, I will give with it sincerity because I will never know when they had the human touch.

Lights...Camera... SPF anyone?

A very helpful friend (one of three that even looks at this blog) suggested that I commit an act of self torture and take a self portrait for my profile. For the special occasion I located the mascara and just now realized that I forgot to put on the lip gloss I set aside. Many moons ago this was fun....and paid the bills. (Photos) At first I felt o.k. about the first one until I realized that part of the bun from my dinner was between my front teeth and then I looked at it a little longer....what the #$@& was I doing with my scarf? There shouldn't be any question why the second picture wasn't picked. The third picture I was nearing the end of sanity but at least Hello Kitty looked cute.
Oh sun goddess of the 90's what where you thinking? There are only so many things that I could have, should have about my past. Tonight one more was added to my list. (Mantra for tonight: SPF)