Wednesday, January 28

Ellen DeGeneres...The Artist Formally Known as Prince

I'm thinking about stalking Ellen DeGeneres and I need your help. I first need to come clean about something else. My first stalking experience with Prince, the artist formally known as Prince, didn't end so well. (N0 jail time...I'm not that crazy, just a broken dream.)

It was Halloween, late in the afternoon, many years ago. I got up enough nerve to drive to his house. My sister was living a couple minutes from him...how handy for me, right. Totally jamming to I Would Die 4U fixing my tank top and overall look to perfection, to wear both straps or unfasten one, it was the early 90's yo, that was the fashion... I pulled half way up into the driveway. I was quickly greeted by one very large guard outside (Name-Washington) of the super fancy gate leading to the super fancy house. It took a lot of pretty pleases on my knees, hands in prayer position, but I got the go ahead to run up to the gate and take pictures of his fanciness. As I was standing on the gate, yup I said standing...it started to move. Trying to act as if everything was normal,(Ha) I ran to the white limo. Now, the huge guard is yelling at me to move my bleeping car... you know the one that I parked in the middle of the driveway....blocking the limo access to the house. I'm snapping pictures as fast as my 90's camera could. Just then the door opens (I swear he was waving. O.k. not really, but whatever.) Two more security people are quickly approaching me. I fumbled with the keys, the alarm is going off and by now I am starting to sweat because of the monster men chasing me down. After moving my car, still taking photos (normal when in the midst of a super skinny, but way talented sign) the security men tried to take my camera. With my "are you kidding" expression and a flip of my spiral permed hair I squeamishly told him that my nieces first Halloween pictures were just taken hours before and... and... Instead, I was placed on a "special" good/not crazy stalker list and if something happened to Mr. 1999, little ole me was gonna be needing to prove my whereabouts. Needless to say, Prince didn't invite me to the Halloween Party that night and I was super close to getting a date with He Man to attend...o.k. not really, but whatever. Now, all I have are a few blurry pictures of a white limo and the memory of countless nights listening to When Doves Cry, Raspberry Beret, KISS and Little Red Corvette.

Now about Ellen, I'm not going to be your everyday stalker.(Crazy person digging through her trash or standing in front of her house on the gate.) I'm the "when I can" stalker. I don't have the ability to see her show daily,tape her shows,( I would if I could) so I'm probably not the bestest fan ever. I email every once in a while. (Weekly) I just need an in. Last night I was dreaming about being on her show.(Because, I watched her show that day and almost tinkled myself laughing while watching adult musical chairs.) The giveaway was some fancy sausage and the guest was Richard Simmons in his creepy "jazzy" shorts. Ellen and I chatted like old friends and danced around to 50 Cent. Who else can make lip syncing acceptable? Or, dance over a coffee table and make it look cool? Not Dave or Jay.

I have been trying to apply whatever talents I have to "Be a part of our show". CLICK HERE to see the list. This is where I could use some help....
One- no kids eliminates me from, Send us Video of your kids watching Ellen
Two- no animals, Send us cute animal pictures and so on....

Outside of dressing up like a child or an animal, I could video tape someone while I am tripping them (dangerous) or find an unlikely pair (insulting)...
Any suggestions, any kin to Ellen that wants to pay it forward? If not thanks for listening. :D

13 comments:

Jen said...

i love that story about stalking prince!!!! sweet! if you ever need an accomplice for such antics in the future, let me know. right up my alley.

ellen!!!! i love her. i will stalk her with you, too. we must find a way to get you on that show. i'd give dressing up as an animal a shot- it's unique, and if you do it creatively, it's likely an in. :) i'll have to think about these things some...have you had a bad birthday? could you arrange one? :)

Lora said...

I LOVE Ellen, and am actually watching the show I dvr'd earlier today as I type this.
Hmmm. Come up with a stupid talent, and I think you're in. I just don't know WHAT talent.

Lene said...

Ok that prince story totally had me laughing out loud.

Sorry can't help you with the Ellen thing...but she is hilarious.

Juls said...

This..."normal when in the midst of a super skinny, but way talented sign"
almost made me wet my pants. Good luck, sorry I can't help..but hope you don't end up on another list.

bobbi said...

Too funny, love that you stalked Prince. Don't share your love for Ellen so can't help you there, but good luck with that ;)

Patois said...

Go to the local Humane Society. Agree to adopt a black and white cat. Take loads of pictures of it in various locales and situations. Return cat when you're done with it.

How's that for semi-extreme?

my2boyz said...

Great story!!!! you area wild and crazy gal...ass for Ellen good luck!!!

MaryRC said...

good luck with ellen. keep yourself in check, producers eliminate the crazy gate hanger chicks right away. just be fun and hold back on telling them about your dream fantasy. if you're too eager, they'll avoid you. just be interesting.. ever thought of just getting some tickets?

Ronda's Rants said...

I totally understand...I stalk Bonnie Hunt...I have flown to see her show twice! I will see what I can do with my almost no connections!
Thanks for supporting Sara and my blog...Good luck with my give-away!

Jill said...

The Prince story is too funny, I love the tank top/overall detail.

I adore Ellen too.

Debbie said...

I do love Ellen and would so stalk her if I wasn't 2000 miles away. And I think your stalkees have certainly improved over the years. I hope you figure out some angle to get to meet her.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

OH MY GOSH you are hilarious!!! I am laughing so hard right now!!! lol! Prince? hahahahaha!

That's great!

I love Ellen also...we actually might go see her in February...so if I do I'll blow up your profile pic and stick it on a stick and put it in front of my face!?

How's that?

Am I helping?

Cassie said...

Great Prince story! I have a whole routine that I do to "I Would Die 4U", darling if you want me to, OOh. Oh, sorry got lost in the song there!

Best of luck with the Ellen show. It's tough getting on there from what I have read.

You need to go team up with MamaKat over "Mama's Losin' It". She's got quite a campaign going on over there to get "in" with Ellen. Click here if you want to read all of her letters to Ms. DeGeneres. They are wildly funny!