Words don't fail me now...this is not an easy post for me.
Is it fear, failure or a commitment problem.
Last night as tears fell down my face my husband and I talked about babies, again. I (think) I want one or seven. While Mother's Day is about my mom and how great she is, my sisters and friends who got breakfast in bed....it is also a reminder that I do not have children.
I am afraid! With all excuses aside...(ex. no ovaries, no money) I (we) are faced with having to make the decision not letting nature take it's coarse.
Adoption, artificial insemination, surrogate, hanging out in Nebraska near a hospital(Safe Haven) are some options.
People like Octo-freak-mom upset me! Sites like THIS make me so sad. Thoughts of being a psycho wife on meds makes me scared. I think people like me fall in the cracks of societal needs. There isn't enough government funding for people who really want kids, can not have them or can not afford them. <-- Meaning the cost of adoption.
I hang out at Mom Blogs, but I don't have kids. (I'm pretty sure that is o.k.) If I want to meet ladies in my age group give or take 5 years I have no choice. I can't start a blog "Not a mom,want to be a mom, but until then...I'm going to hang out with you."
Now, I need to face my Fear? My possible FAILURE? Or My COMMITMENT problem. I am putting it out there ultimately to make me deal with these emotions that are festering within. I think I need help. Not Dr.Phil.... I need real people, real stories with real emotions.
Well, there you have it. I'm a mess. I am just like so many of you out there. It is so much easier to talk about a photo or the daily activities, but I needed to do this.
Sorry, I know this is one of those post that you would rather avoid commenting because it's a slippery slope. (LOL, it really isn't...)
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