Wednesday, May 20

It was all in the eyes!

I rode the bus today for the first time in over a month. Now that the weather is nicer, notice I didn't say nice just nicer I walk, ride my bike or trot (some would call it running, but I have to be honest with myself). This running thing happens a lot more than I care to discuss...all because of the impending swim suit season. Sigh. Today however, I didn't want to ride my bike with the temperamental sky threatening rain and I wanted to wear heels. Vanity wins out on occasion.

While getting on the bus I always try to eye the open seats hoping to make the right decision. It is a serious 20 minute commitment with consequences. Today however, my scoping skills failed me. I ended up sitting behind a very offensively stinky man. He was eccentric to say the least. Foul to the smell and humorous to the eye. His Woody Allen glasses, Dale Earhart leather jacket and Hulk Hogan headband did everything to draw attention. Or, maybe it was his backpack with the husky stuffed animal dangling from it. It definitely wasn't the locked and loaded pipe drooping from his bottom lip... p-u-t-r-i-d. Oh, I left out that he is about 60 years old.

(Photo from Google,but so close.) If his appearance wasn't making a grand statement his wandering eyes did. With every female that stepped on the bus his head moved while his eyes undressed them. I'm sorry that is just nasty! At one point I had to express my annoyance with a "Good Lord!" The words took a nose dive in the French speaking air, falling on deaf ears. Just when I came to terms with my lonely feelings a girl about my age gave me the "what's up with that" look. The next ogled victim made a crucial error when she sat next to me. Not only did this creeper turn and look at her, he decided it was completely o.k. to do so for whatever length of time he saw fit. She politely (totally freaked out) smiled. At this time my shoulders were bouncing from internal laughter, of course when I am suppose to act like an adult I can't. Our eyes connected, not me and creepy, me and my sat partner. Passing looks, one of humor/sympathy the other of fear/disgust/a little humor.

Without words, we spoke to each other then started giggling like school girls. It was a great moment. It was not a great moment when stinky got off at the same stop as me. Darting in and out of traffic I was able to loose him.



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14 comments:

Jill said...

The bus always has such a cast of characters, it's a wonder more bus drivers don't write tell-all type books. This guy sounds super creepy to me, but definitely made for good blog fodder.

Are you so excited about your trip? Are you leaving tomorrow?

Jen said...

EEEEWWWWWW!!!!! YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and double yuck.

and i love how you said the bus has serious consequences. so true. ugh. this is why i'm slowly becoming a hermit. most public places require too much of me in terms of social interaction and tolerance. i can't do it anymore.

trip? what trip? :) when leaving? details, miss ann.....details...

Michelle said...

Yeah... I remember those days of public transportation. One day a guy sat down next to me, rolled up his sleeve and proceeded to rub his arm against mine. I made a scene. A LARGE scene. And when I got home I took a very long shower.

At least you had someone to share your misery! ;)

Michelle (hometc) said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Maybe when you take the bus you should arm yourself with a small bottle of Axe body spray and squirt them (Men with a fear of soap and water) when they're not looking!

Amy said...

The joys of riding a bus. I have only rode a school bus. The hight light of that was sitting in the way back sit and waiting for the fun bumps.

Bernadette said...

I love those passing connections one makes on busses, planes, trains...it's so weird (when you think about it), being so physically close to strangers, and NOT talking to one another. Of course, there are the annoying chatterboxes, crying babies and the creepsters, but there are some wonderful moments too!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

OH... I love the BUS people... I would have been the same way, I can NEVER be an adult when I want to be!!! lol!

HalfandHalfTheBestofBothWorlds said...

Ohmegosh...I soooo totally laughed about your post...that was so close to the truth lol...fortunately I haven't been on a bus in years thank GOD but I used to have to catch it every day and yes the creatures you get to meet on a bus and the stares and glares that you get and notice being given, the seats that (gross) have been peed on and so forth yup it's disgusting. Anyhow...thanks for sharing and bringing a little laughter into my blah night here at work lol.

MaryRC said...

at least you werent there alone... what a bus story!

Amy said...

I have something on my blog for you.

MommyAmy said...

LOL! At least you and Mr. Creapy weren't the only 2 on the bus that day.

Debbie said...

Yuck! I am so glad you lost him!

LaVonne said...

The Bus - a whole blog topic on its own. Thanks for sharing the humorous event. Enjoy your evening!!

Cristin said...

Too funny Ann...reminds me of the one and only time I rode the bus. I was 12. I haven't stepped back on since and now I know why......this and the fact I have a very short commute to work!