For weeks now I have been trying to "workout". My P90X dvd, one of my many abandoned exercise attempts somehow has gone missing (mischievous smile) and my ancient Buns of Steel VHS (no laughing) got stuck in the player. The only thing left were my two feet, so I started running...well I putter at best.
Yesterday, I got it in my head that I was going to run home from work. Truth be told I ate half of a pizza and I could see it settling in all the wrong places. Arriving at work I realized that I forgot the bag with my sweat pants. Normally this would be the perfect excuse to take the next bus home....instead (insanity set in) I went in search of something very inexpensive. The first two stores had some pants, but they were $59-$79 dollars, not cheap. Next store...a lingerie shop. Thinking to myself, "ah-no" I walked past, but found myself turning around and going in. (What?)
Passing the thongs and the nipple tassels I found the clearance rack. Miraculously, there were a pair of thin cotton/lycra blend sweat pants for $5.00. I took a quick glance from top to bottom, the last thing I needed to do was mistake them for normal sweats only to find out they were crotchless. I was a little bit disappointed when I couldn't find my size in the matching half shirt. (I think I threw up in my mouth a little just thinking about me wearing it.) Waiving in and out of the manual, ummm- colorful vibrating products I found the equally colorful sales person. I decided to play charades to avoid using my French, with a point and a 'pull on the pants' motion she understood then directed me to the dressing room. Looking back that could have been a fatal mistake.
I instantly wanted to vomit once the completely unforgiving lt. blue ripple showing pants were on. (Reason- 34 why I do not like wearing "colorful" pants.) I pulled down on my shirt, begging for it to relinquish it's tight weave, trying to cover as much as possible. With a $5.00 price point I tore off the tag and walked to the counter. Glancing at the voluptuous female and bulging male mannequins I let out a snicker. Me in a sex toy shop is equivalent to me shopping at an auto parts store...
The moral of the story is to not forget your workout pants, but if you happen to wander into a porn shop and purchase a cheap pair of sweat pants you will most likely have your best running time, EVER.
I couldn't think of a good title for this post....so, for the person with the craftiest title I am going to give a little prize. (One hint...it is lt. blue and a size large- just kidding...) I'm thinking Chocolate from a brand new Chocolate shop that opened up about a month ago....only two blocks from my house. Lord have mercy on me, please let the next shop be a diet clinic.