Saturday, April 18

Name this post....contest.

For weeks now I have been trying to "workout". My P90X dvd, one of my many abandoned exercise attempts somehow has gone missing (mischievous smile) and my ancient Buns of Steel VHS (no laughing) got stuck in the player. The only thing left were my two feet, so I started running...well I putter at best.

Yesterday, I got it in my head that I was going to run home from work. Truth be told I ate half of a pizza and I could see it settling in all the wrong places. Arriving at work I realized that I forgot the bag with my sweat pants. Normally this would be the perfect excuse to take the next bus home....instead (insanity set in) I went in search of something very inexpensive. The first two stores had some pants, but they were $59-$79 dollars, not cheap. Next store...a lingerie shop. Thinking to myself, "ah-no" I walked past, but found myself turning around and going in. (What?)

Passing the thongs and the nipple tassels I found the clearance rack. Miraculously, there were a pair of thin cotton/lycra blend sweat pants for $5.00. I took a quick glance from top to bottom, the last thing I needed to do was mistake them for normal sweats only to find out they were crotchless. I was a little bit disappointed when I couldn't find my size in the matching half shirt. (I think I threw up in my mouth a little just thinking about me wearing it.) Waiving in and out of the manual, ummm- colorful vibrating products I found the equally colorful sales person. I decided to play charades to avoid using my French, with a point and a 'pull on the pants' motion she understood then directed me to the dressing room. Looking back that could have been a fatal mistake.

I instantly wanted to vomit once the completely unforgiving lt. blue ripple showing pants were on. (Reason- 34 why I do not like wearing "colorful" pants.) I pulled down on my shirt, begging for it to relinquish it's tight weave, trying to cover as much as possible. With a $5.00 price point I tore off the tag and walked to the counter. Glancing at the voluptuous female and bulging male mannequins I let out a snicker. Me in a sex toy shop is equivalent to me shopping at an auto parts store...

The moral of the story is to not forget your workout pants, but if you happen to wander into a porn shop and purchase a cheap pair of sweat pants you will most likely have your best running time, EVER.

I couldn't think of a good title for this post....so, for the person with the craftiest title I am going to give a little prize. (One hint...it is lt. blue and a size large- just kidding...) I'm thinking Chocolate from a brand new Chocolate shop that opened up about a month ago....only two blocks from my house. Lord have mercy on me, please let the next shop be a diet clinic.

23 comments:

A Bookish Mom said...

A healthy run among Boobie Tassels

Andrea @ The Train To Crazy said...

I know what you mean about the workout videos. I have a workout video graveyard. And I KNOW what you mean about wearing light blue!! AAHHH. Black for me, thanks! As far as the title goes, the options are quite endless! If you want something about the store you could go with "Sex toys and cellulite". Though, that might bring some strange people to your blog via their google search...

scrappysue said...

great story - i'll have to give it some thought!

Anne said...

how about "The Blue Ripple"... hahah. I think it's funny!

Anonymous said...

LMAO! such a funny post my dear! The wheels are turning...just rusty here...but how bout...

BooHoo Blue?

it's pitiful...but I am gigglin! But the Blue Ripple is great!

Cher
hilly77@comcast.net

Xazmin said...

I'm laughing so hard right now! I'm going to see if I can think of a clever title...if I do, I'll be back to post it!

ikkinlala said...

"Porn Shop Blues."

Jen said...

ann- you totally made my night. i so needed to read this post. :)

i am still cracking up- and likely will for the next few days.


all i can come up with for a title is: "Hot to Trot."

"Cana-fornication" is a close second- playing off the Californication song- but since you're in Canada and all.


Oh man- it's way too late. I don't think any of my other suggestions will be allowed in a comment...:)

Shawn said...

That is so funny! I can see it unfolding right in front of me as it is so something I would do.

I'm at a loss, which is rare, so all I have for ya is

Sensual Cellulite

Just a thought...if the pants were crotchless it would help prevent the brush fire that would happen if it were me jogging! Do you know the amount of friction that occurs when I run while my inner thighs rub together? Dang Gina where's the hot fire men when you need 'em!

Vivienne said...

Sex, Thighs and Lost Videotapes?

Funny stuff, (and sadly, I can see it happening to me...)

Cassie said...

Hilarious story! Maybe: 101 reasons why you shouldn't avoid working out at home, Reason #1.

Hit 40 said...

Porn shop! Excellent.

I hope you had cash. If not, you are tagged for some interesting mail by making a purchase in that shop.

Do you see anything fun for your hubbys next bday?

Tara said...

Hmmmm....Wild Blue Yonder, perhaps?

LoveMy2Dogs said...

Boobie Tassels, Blue Ribs and Cellulite.


I loved your story.

Michelle said...

Oh my. I love the imagery. And the P90X? Really? I saw that once on an infomercial and knew right then I'd NEVER do that video ;) Wayyyy too painful.

And the title. Hmmmm...

The Blue Mile?

I Made A Boob-Boo?

Lessons Learned From a Porn Shop

And... I'm off to bed now.

Michelle said...

oh oh oh -- except I forgot to say that I got my cards today, and I love 'em! The pink flowers are so cute!

LaVonne said...

Will Work For Chocolate

CanCan (MomMostTraveled) said...

How about "Exotic Exercise" :)

onlycancan ta hotmail tod com

Krystal said...

What a great story...and since I will do anything for chocolate...I'll have to see what a can come up with for a title. I'll be back when I think of something. :)

Krystal said...

I've been thinking about a title nonstop since I read this, but I'm having a hard time coming up with something really clever. So, here's what I got:

"I've Got the Porn Shop Ripple Wearing Blues."

"The Time I Didn't Run Past the Porn Shop."

"Next Time I'll Run Past the Porn Shop."

"Lingerie Wearing Runner."

I enjoyed your story!! Thanks for the contest! :)

Krystal said...

Sorry, on my first title I meant to say:

"I've Got the Porn Shop Ripple Showing Blues."

minishoes1 said...

I loved your story! I read it yesterday and I am still laughing!
How about - Hello Porn,Its me Ann. or
A lady walks in a porn shop...or Got Porn? jacquecurl1@gmail.com

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