Saturday, January 17

Rewind....2005

My life in 2005- It was time to put the Prada away and pull my boot straps up. We're moving to Montana! Giddy-up! Waving good-bye to Michigan couldn't have felt more natural. Jaige and I drove west holding hands, windows down blowing our hair, belting out every country song we knew..... the screeching record came to a dreadful stop.

There was a slight change in plans since I was going to be detained in Blodgett Hospital. Days earlier: I'll get an exam just before I go...

It was thirteen years earlier (20 years old) and my ovarian cancer scare was so-so rare. Bald head and a forgotten 100 plus days. Minus one ovary and some lymph nodes. How could this be happening again? No time to wait, no time to think about the future. After calling my dad for a ride home, my feet were no longer working, my sister answered her phone I could not think of anything else to say, but "how do I tell mom." Silence then sniffles. I spoke the words to my mom that no one wants to hear. It wasn't for sure, but we can not wait...the knife will strike once more. Sleepless nights and quiet whispers.

"My life was going to change in so many ways...just let me get through this... you'll see", I spoke to the sky while laying on the stretcher wearing an obscenely thin hospital gown. Shivering. "You can't have me yet... I'm not done here." "Wait...please." Florescent lights one after another. Jaige held my hand until the bright lights faded. I woke up to the same warm hand and through the storm of tears I knew that he heard. Or, did I hear him? It had been a long time since we talked.

Life.

What do you mean menopause, I'm 33 years old? Hummmmmmmm, "take this pill and wear that patch." The doctor was talking. (The worlds best doctor if you ask me.) I'm quite sure he was talking? Through the humm in my head I heard every third word, nothing was making sense. Alright, alright whatever I need to do, I have a horse to ride in Montana. The night sweats were soon to follow, ummm what did that doctor say? Horse or not this sucks!

Days turned to weeks then the shackles were released. Free to go. The clouds were full of cotton, the wings glided west, my heart was sad to leave my family, but my love was already wear sexy chaps.

Rimel Road, take me home to Moose Can Gully Ranch. Up, up and down the winding road we went. Driving over the cattle guard to the place I will call home, the tires spoke, the animals whinnied, "Welcome home, Ann".

Under "big sky country" I was born.

21 comments:

2fun4u said...

Hi Ann,

I will be your partner for the Valentines Swap. Love to hear from you.
Diane
queenmumise@yahoo.com

Jen said...

wow, ann. i don't have words adequate for my thoughts right now. you've got to be one of the bravest people i know. i'm sorry you had to go through that even once- but twice? you're a hero- that's all i can think to describe you.

nikkicrumpet said...

Well that is some way for me to be introduced to your blog. You must be the strongest bravest lady on the planet. I can't even imagine how you deal with something like that. The way that post was written had such amazing impact.

Anonymous said...

Hard to relive-so glad he heard you. He was always there-you just had to reach out. M.

Jennifer said...

You have been through so very much. You are a very strong woman.

Cassie said...

This is a beautifully written post. I can't even imagine how it felt to go through that. I'm glad you've pulled through.

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

Like Nikki said, wow what a first post to read just coming to your blog!
What an amazing story; and so beautifully written. What a story you have!
Thanks so much for stopping by my page. I'm going to be a follower now if that's ok.
I'd love to know how you found me.

Patois said...

So compelling, your story and how you've written it. Down to the category off "our story" which you've used.

Creative Mish said...

Hi from SITS.. Visiting your blog for the first time. I hope everything is going well for you. You've been through more than I can imagine! Where in Idaho were you?

melissa said...

here from sits...and from my blog. i have a friend who has been battling cancer for 3 years. ovarian. it's unreal how strong she is. and how strong you sound. how scary to have to go through all of that...at any age...but especially being so young!! hugs.

The Blonde Duck said...

Saw you on SITS and wanted to say hi!

Becky said...

Beautifully written.

K said...

My mom went through something similar when I was very young. She's been wearing those patches as long as I can remember.

I'm sorry you had to go through this experience.

Candid Carrie said...

Inspiring and eloquent. Wonderfully written.

Melissa said...

You are an amazing writer and a very strong woman. Thanks for sharing this very inspiring story.

Nana said...

Wow, that was very touching. What a story to tell. My brother in law is dying. He has liver cancer. I can't imagine what it will be like without him around anymore. Thank God you made it.

Shauna said...

What a great blog you have here! ♥ Hugs :)

Anonymous said...

Wow,Ann...You're writing on this piece was fabulous. Very poetic on such a tough subject. By the way, we weren't done with you either.

jvs

Amy said...

Oh, Ann. (((hugs))) Beautifully written. You are such a strong woman! I clicked on this post because I saw the "Montana" tag--we lived in MT in 1995-96.

adlibby said...

That is an amazing post, so beautifully written and honest. I feel like I know you and I want to reache out and hold your hand now! Simply amazing!

Jill said...

I don't know how I missed this post, I'm glad you linked it to your latest post.

You have come through all of this so well, what a blessing!