Monday, November 24

The Art of Knitting

I am outwardly jealous of those who can knit and/or crochet. I long to sit by a crackling fire, the dog at my feet, soft music playing, sipping a hot toddy, home spun yarn in my lap and the delicate sound of my clicking needles.

Stomp the Ground. Punching fists in the air. Arg.

I have been staring at this misleading book my husband bought me two years ago. "Learn to Knit in Just One Day" Right, I think they left out a subtitle, "Unless your an Idiot and/or Left Handed". There's that left handed thing again. I am not even going to place the blame. I just can not knit...or crochet and it saddens me. Sigh. I then went on line to watch someone instruct the challenged. I even tried to have my grandma teach me. She laughed off my "silly" attempt. I am sure she thought I was just kidding, but I wasn't. The usual jokes were spewing from my lips to conceal the hidden disappointment in my skills. The light at the end of my tunnel doesn't have knitting needles and I just can not except it. I toss and turn through countless nightmares with taunting knitting needles and yarn.

I solved part of the problem Saturday. I went to a local Holiday Craft Show. The bestest (not a real word) part was that it was at my place of work. So, I got to spend 5 hours picking through, pining over and paying for my obsession. I secretly stalked Helga, one of the craft masters, as she chatted in her thick German accent to merry customers while crocheting. The room was full of cackling hens catching up with one another. I was filled with delight. "These are a few of my favorite things...."

By 4:00, I had emptied my pocket of "tip" money and purchased enough items to fill my backpack. Gleefully I began my trot home to the mobe. Once there, I wrapped my self in my new scarves (that's right plural) and hats. Not until beads of perspiration started to roll down my neck did I pull the garments off.

Now I sit here once again with that $#@&ing book in hand ready to face my short comings. I went to a motivational website to pump up my thoughts. I need that "can do" attitude.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. W.C. Fields Ummmm, Mr. Fields that is not going to get me a handmade scarf.

On every thorn, delightful wisdom grows, in every rill a sweet instruction flows.
Edward Young....right back at you Eddie! Now that's more like it....I'm off to stare at my book.

Can you knit? Or crochet? Do you wish you could? What would you make?


rachel said...

Alas, I am left handed AND an idiot... My attempts at crochet and knitting have been met with laughter (others) and profanity (myself) Ok I love your writing. I admire cleverness and you are oh so clever!
August 13th is apparently my holiday.
See and I wondered why if I'm walking down a hallway I invariably go toward a person bumping into them instead of moving away from them. I always thought it was an inner ear/equilibrium thing, but now I know the truth...I will now blame the dreaded lefty syndrome!! You have a new follower :)

Ann On and On... said...

Oh kindred friend...thank you for the visit. I hope to bump into you again. :D

Crownhilldigger said...

I am left handed and have the wrong chromosomes for knitting so I know that I would be terrible. Is there room adjacent the mobe for an Alpaca pen? I hear Alphaca makes great and very warm yard. Not sure they have much of a following north of the equator though.

Crownhilldigger said...

**Yarn** not yard (but perhaps....who knew?)

larkswing said...

hehe - sometimes, but I always quickly envision my grandfather making fun of my grandmother - he had this gesture that looked as if he was tossing spaghetti (and an eye roll). See, my grandmother was CONSTANTLY knitting and crocheting. I would like to learn one day though. But no time soon - there is no time to lanquish in front of a fire at this stage of life - but it is coming!!

Jill said...

I have no knitting or crocheting skills, and I'm not even left-handed. My mom tried to teach a few years ago and excitedly bought me kneedles and yard, but I never felt like my hands were coordinated enough to do it. It was so frustrating. I'm not even sure where those supplies are now, but they've been in hiding for about 16 years!

Nette said...

I wish I could! I'd knit scarves, blankets, gloves...Honestly, just haven't tried to learn. I really should!

Alyson | New England Living said...

Yeah, wish I could. My grandma was a serious master. Now she's gone and suddenly the desire to learn has surfaced. Maybe someday...

michelle said...

My grandma taught me to knit and crochet when I was about 11. I could probably still crochet, but I never could get the hang of knitting. My tension was WAY too tight. I so wish I could knit.

(oh, and the W.C. Field quote made me laugh out loud! I guess he appeals to my pessimistic self...)